BALLET: A Love Affair

From the moment I laid eyes on a pointe shoe, my curiosity took hold of me and I just knew that I had to dig deeper into this world of ballet and discover its majesty.

From tutus to tiaras, there are so many things about the imagery and majesty of ballet that captured my young adolescent heart. However, as I matured I started falling in love with the challenges that ballet posed. I found pleasure in mastering variations, pointe work and the complexities of partnering. Ballet at once occupied a space of great effort and magic. Ballet is where my passion met my inherent drive to push and perfect. The pressure to maintain grace, elegance and discipline before discerning audiences became not only palatable, but a joy! I have never been comfortable being the center of attention. Yet, when I performed it was as if all onlookers had disappeared. It was through this splendid isolation that I was able to bear my soul with such honesty and sincerity. Even preparation rituals were sensory-filled pleasures, from the stroke of my make-up brush, the mist of hair spray to the splash of a favorite perfume. The headpiece, the earrings and the costume, the race of my heartbeat before the curtain rose, the adrenaline after a successful performance, all seemed to nourish some mystic part of my being. This world seemed uniquely my own, and was a part of a fantasy I could indulge in night after night. A true love addiction.

Ballet taught me so much about myself and given expression to a person I never knew existed. It was because of ballet that I learned how strong and resilient I truly am. I learned that there is more than one way to achieve a desired result and what works for one may not work for another. I learned that beauty comes in many shapes and colors, that life is full of contradictions- sometimes you need to dig down to lift yourself up.  Finally, ballet has allowed me to experience my dreams in living color.

The magic of ballet starts well before the curtain raises and I am so honored to say that I have experienced every moment of it.

That Little Green-Eyed Monster

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Many of us have dreams of a better life and wonder how things might have been had we always walked on the sunnier side of the street. I grew up in a working class, urban neighborhood, and always envied the suburban kids who seemed to have very plum lives. As a dancer, I wished I had the natural gifts of some of my counterparts who performed so effortlessly, as if they were simply born to dance. However, with maturity I have learned to embrace my own unique journey as one that instilled hard work, perseverance and appreciation for all of life’s gifts. I also learned to use other’s success as inspiration, instead of a source of envy. I use the gifts I admire in others to motivate myself to push harder and dream bigger. Through the process of humbling myself, allowing others to inspire me, I learned to try. Through trying I learned to fail, and through failure I was able to inspire many.

Ballet was not innate and did not come naturally to me. Becoming a ballerina took a willingness to humbly place myself amongst superior talent with a student’s mind and a heart determined to succeed. I no longer envy my neighbor’s gifts, I chose to learn and be inspired by them. Even the unobtainable can serve as inspiration!

With a positive attitude, the willingness to embrace inspiration around us, and the faith to try—we can obtain our dreams.

Dear Aspiring Artist,

Throughout my career, I refused to allow the obstacles of fear or rejection to prevent me from obtaining my goals. Through belief in myself, support of loved ones and sheer force of will, I was able to leave my modest, working class home and perform in some of the world’s great halls and theatres. I have accomplished things in my short life that have been long unobtainable for so many. I am truly blessed and grateful to all those who have given me support and challenged me to be greater than even my own expectations.  That encouragement and inspiration fueled me, and I in turn would like to encourage young people struggling to realize their dreams to never give up hope! I am proud of my modest beginnings, strengthened by the hills and valleys I’ve walked throughout my career, and encouraged by my victory over adversity. You never know when your opportunity will present itself—so don’t give up on yourself or your passions!  Keeping believing in yourself and your reward will come by way of victory, or perhaps just the simple satisfaction that you invested your all, tried your best, and never gave up on yourself!

With love,
Aesha Ash

FROM PRINCESS TO DIVA

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As a young girl,  who I choose to look up to was definitely affected by the morals and values my parents put into place at a young age.  I wonder now, as I see it becoming the norm that women exploit themselves, from magazines to videos, who are the role models for young women and girls today.  My childhood “idols” were strongly influenced by the values instilled by my parents. However, with women’s self-exploitation prevalent throughout popular culture, from videos to magazines, I wonder who young women are looking up to today, and what cues are they receiving from their heroes.

I recall offering to teach ballet at a community center some time ago. I worked with only a small group of children, but I was struck by the lack of interest many of them had with ballet. They were completely aloof regarding all things classical--it seemed only my pointe shoes could grab their attention. However, my class was more than just ballet instruction, I wanted to impart the lesson that ballet could teach them how to comport themselves with dignity and grace through its discipline, impeccable form and decorum. I wanted to show them that they did not have to be overly sexualized to be beautiful.This was the lesson my mother taught me, which was reinforced through ballet.  After an evening of implementing this lesson in my small class, I was heartbroken to see these young ladies, not old enough to drive, emulating the lewd and suggestive dances of video vixens while waiting for their rides home. Unfortunately, this behavior is commonplace, and endorsed by the silence of adults. I left the program feeling hopeless and unproductive—besides, I had only a couple of days to work with them, while the destructive lyrics and images pumped from their radios, televisions and computers worked on them everyday.  How could lessons regarding dignity, discipline and grace compete with a 24 hour cycle of glamorized exploitation set to enticing baselines and special effects?

As I see more and more young women emulating what they see represented in the media, I often wonder what happened to admiring women of substance. Why is it acceptable for many of our young women to behave like divas and dress like sex objects? We should stand as a community of parents, neighbors and people of good conscience to resist this wave of vulgarity pawning itself off as entertainment.  We should stop teaching young women through our silence and indifference that it’s acceptable to exploit your beauty and be seen as a sexual object. Our daughters, sisters and nieces are more than “eye candy” or half-naked video props, they are princesses who should understand their value and worth.

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I look forward to having more opportunity to offer the benefits of my classical training to more and more young women and girls. I do believe that it is possible to capture their attention and win their appreciation. It will definitely take a little more work and creativity to undo their media induced trance, but it can be done!

That Four Letter Word

D  .  I  .  E  .  T

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Like many other dancers, I will never forget the first time I was told to lose weight. My mother pulling me to the side after an audition only to whisper that horrible phrase,"you need to lose weight." I was mortified. After all, I was one of those kids who could eat everything in sight and never gain an ounce. I guess that only lasted so long. Not coming from a family of dancers, or a culture in which a super thin silhouette is admired, the concept of diet was not in my vocabulary. I had no idea where to begin.

Since that dreadful day, I read every book on diet and nutrition I could get my hands on and experimented with every diet known to man. I remember my parents’ frustration during meal times. The foods I once loved I now rejected. The pancakes in the morning smothered in syrup or eggs and bacon atop a homemade buttermilk biscuit that use to have me jolting out of bed on a normal day, were no longer calling me to the morning table.  My father seemed the most clueless of all when it came to diet, and as a skinny  6'3" southern boy who ate everything in sight, this came as no surprise. Oh the sweet naivete of my father who at one time offered me a cup of water and double checked the nutrition facts to reassure me there were no calories.  I recall even trying to survive a whole day on a single apple, only to scarf down a days worth of Chinese delivery by evening. Not a healthy practice by anyone’s standards I assure you! Throughout my career, there continued to be a series of ups and downs and changes with every new fad. Food soon became my nightmare and my silhouette’s worst enemy.

As an adult with  a more mature pallet, I have learned a lot about nutrition since my days of dancing in NY. The diet I have adopted now is not only healthy but  effortless. No more counting calories and changing fads. What I have learned from my dear European friends is that food is meant to be enjoyed. It is not a science project nor solely a source of fuel.  Every moment is a sensory indulging experience, from the preparation to the plate. Yes, food in my home was always enjoyed and the preparation a pleasurable bonding experience between my mother and I, but there is a totally different level of enjoyment when you know where your food comes from, the history behind the dishes and the cultural traditions in the preparation. It is almost a religious experience. I have learned, when you take the time to enjoy  really good food, there is no need to over indulge. One morsel of some of the finest chocolates in Switzerland would leave heavenly flavors swirling around my palate an entire 20 minute bus ride home. Ahhh...the memories.

 

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 I have since tried to bring my new found love of good food home with me and share this knowledge with those I love. As many may know, getting good quality food in this country certainly comes at a price. You will not find many organic supermarkets  near most inner cities in the US, and even if they did exist many households couldn't afford the price. Thankfully, there are organizations popping up around the country that have recognized this issue and are making efforts to address it. People such as Will Allen of Growing Power, Inc whose organization develops community food systems, "that help people grow, process, market and distribute food in a sustainable manner," as stated on the website growingpower.org  Please take a moment and  learn more about what this wonderful organization is doing.

Dieting has never been an enjoyable experience, but developing healthy habits is certainly rewarding and satisfying. Eating healthy doesn't mean partaking in lifeless, tasteless meals, it’s simply a matter of investing the time to find what you like and making healthier meal choices. However, it should also be about creating access to healthier options for everyone to enjoy. I look forward to the day when good, healthy and sustainable food is made available to each and every family, irrespective of location or income.

So as I throw away the scale and  bid adieu to my flavorless days of rice cakes and cottage cheese, I embrace with open arms my new colorful and flavor filled world of delicious and healthy food.
Buon Appetito!

With Gratitude

Photo by Paul Van Hoy II

Each week I try to use this forum to share my struggles and triumphs in an effort to inspire young dancers who have felt marginalized and voiceless. Many dancers, particularly those of color, fight an internal battle over self image, self worth and their place in the art they love so much. They bear their struggles with a smile, a beautifully painted face, and flawless performances—but there often lays deep reservoirs of pain and reservation just beneath the wonderful surface. I want to encourage these dancers to keep on fighting, believing in themselves, and making beautiful art. I want to say never be discouraged, and never allow the whispers of self-doubt or unkind words of those around you to destroy the spirit that makes you dance. There is a place for you, and through faith, resolve and encouragement, you will become the beautiful swan you aspire to be!

Photo by Paul Van Hoy II

It was important for me to take the time and say just how grateful I am to all the individuals who inspired me throughout my career. These individuals gave me encouragement when I felt different, insecure, out of my element and far away from home. I thank the friends and confidants for the patience, love and emotional support they loyally provided. I thank the strangers who filled my inbox with messages of admiration, as well as those who stopped me on the street to exchange a kind word. I thank the children who filled my heart with gratitude as they lined up after performances to request pointe shoes, and my family for constant support and grounding. And despite the tears and hardships, I thank ballet, which opened up an otherwise unachievable world and gave me a form of expression that leaps from my very soul, and brings joy to those with whom I am fortunate enough to share my passion.

Photo by Paul Van Hoy II

It is my honest hope that the candid manner in which I share so many of my pains and joys will inspire others to make the wonderful art of ballet more inclusive and compassionate, so that there will be more beautiful swans of every color!

Photo by Paul Van Hoy II

 The Cost of Pursuing a Dream cont...

Last week I wrote a post regarding the difficulties that many lower income families have in pursuing ballet as an option for their youngsters. I spoke of City of Angels Ballet, whose director Mario Nugara has not only recognized this problem, but has made a personal effort to resolve this issue in his home of Los Angeles. Recently I was sent this video by Joey Rodgers, founder and Artistic Director of Dancing in the Streets, Arizona. Mr. Rodgers is yet another individual working towards resolving the issue that many face when it comes to the financial difficulties in involving a child in ballet.

I am so thankful to these individuals who are making such a huge impact in the lives of these children, their families and communities. If you know of any other organizations such as these, please send them my way! The more we know about efforts such as these being made, the more opportunity there is for inspiring another individual to maybe make a small effort of their own.

Ballet is a glorious and powerful outlet and should be made available to all who are captivated by its majesty.

The Cost Of Pursuing A Dream

Photo Paul D. Van Hoy II
www.fotoimpressions.com

Though previous efforts have been made to expose inner city youths to ballet, I’ve often wondered what happens after they fall in love. How can these bright eyed children from difficult backgrounds possibly afford the costs associated with this patrician art form. The weekly purchase of point shoes alone stresses even middle class families finance.

As a child, I scarcely understood the sacrifice my family made so that I can pursue a ballet career. Classes, shoes and attire not only meant tremendous financial commitment from my parents lower middle class budget, but from my siblings as well, who would sometimes have to forego certain ambitions due to the family’s strained resources. Despite the burden a simple costume fee placed on my family’s finances, I still managed to attend ballet classes five to six times per week, purchases of dozens of pointe shoes a year along with a drawer full of tights and leotards. Reflecting on all the costs, it’s no wonder why ballet is rarely pursued by the underprivileged. Without support from scholarships, the tireless efforts of my parents to find resources for me and the sacrifice of my siblings, I would have never been able to pursue my passion. It is truly heartbreaking to think that there is some little girl out there dancing in her living room, dreaming of tutus and tiaras, who may never get the opportunity to pursue her dreams because she lacks the means.

While discussing this difficult and very personal issue with a friend, I was referred to a website for the City of Angels Ballet, Los Angeles, which has the mission of helping underprivileged children actually pursue their dreams of becoming ballet dancers. The website describes the Academy and its mission as follows:

Since it's inception in 1993, the City of Angels Ballet has offered hope, inspiration and opportunity, in the form of classical ballet training, to hundreds of talented children from some of the toughest neighborhoods in Los Angeles. At this not-for-profit, selective ballet academy, boys and girls, aged 8 to 18 receive formal instruction and dancewear at no cost to their families. Our dancers reflect the diverse ethnic mix that makes up this city, and most qualify for the Federal Free lunch program at their public schools.

Founder and Artistic Director, Mario Nugara has a lovely quote on the website:

"My dream was to create a ballet company and academy reflective of our wonderul diverse city that utilizes the untapped talent existing in every community in Los Angeles. The City of Angels Ballet is well on its way to making this dream come true!"

Underprivileged communities are filled with untapped talent. As a child I remember attending small talent contests in my neighborhood and being blown away at some of the talent that would surface. I was too young to understand just how fortunate and blessed I was to be given an opportunity to explore my talent by my parents and others who believed and invested in me. Far too many, far too often are not so lucky.

I applaud Mr. Nugara for realizing this need and choosing to take action. What a wonderful gift he is giving to these children and their communities. Through the respect and discipline learned at the academy, students are receiving praises from school teachers and impacts are being felt in their families and communities. Wouldn't it be wonderful if such opportunities could be granted to all underprivileged communities? How many children go down the wrong path because of lack of direction, inspiration or hope. Mr. Nugara is giving these children more than ballet training, he is giving them hope!