With Gratitude

Photo by Paul Van Hoy II

Each week I try to use this forum to share my struggles and triumphs in an effort to inspire young dancers who have felt marginalized and voiceless. Many dancers, particularly those of color, fight an internal battle over self image, self worth and their place in the art they love so much. They bear their struggles with a smile, a beautifully painted face, and flawless performances—but there often lays deep reservoirs of pain and reservation just beneath the wonderful surface. I want to encourage these dancers to keep on fighting, believing in themselves, and making beautiful art. I want to say never be discouraged, and never allow the whispers of self-doubt or unkind words of those around you to destroy the spirit that makes you dance. There is a place for you, and through faith, resolve and encouragement, you will become the beautiful swan you aspire to be!

Photo by Paul Van Hoy II

It was important for me to take the time and say just how grateful I am to all the individuals who inspired me throughout my career. These individuals gave me encouragement when I felt different, insecure, out of my element and far away from home. I thank the friends and confidants for the patience, love and emotional support they loyally provided. I thank the strangers who filled my inbox with messages of admiration, as well as those who stopped me on the street to exchange a kind word. I thank the children who filled my heart with gratitude as they lined up after performances to request pointe shoes, and my family for constant support and grounding. And despite the tears and hardships, I thank ballet, which opened up an otherwise unachievable world and gave me a form of expression that leaps from my very soul, and brings joy to those with whom I am fortunate enough to share my passion.

Photo by Paul Van Hoy II

It is my honest hope that the candid manner in which I share so many of my pains and joys will inspire others to make the wonderful art of ballet more inclusive and compassionate, so that there will be more beautiful swans of every color!

Photo by Paul Van Hoy II

 The Cost of Pursuing a Dream cont...

Last week I wrote a post regarding the difficulties that many lower income families have in pursuing ballet as an option for their youngsters. I spoke of City of Angels Ballet, whose director Mario Nugara has not only recognized this problem, but has made a personal effort to resolve this issue in his home of Los Angeles. Recently I was sent this video by Joey Rodgers, founder and Artistic Director of Dancing in the Streets, Arizona. Mr. Rodgers is yet another individual working towards resolving the issue that many face when it comes to the financial difficulties in involving a child in ballet.

I am so thankful to these individuals who are making such a huge impact in the lives of these children, their families and communities. If you know of any other organizations such as these, please send them my way! The more we know about efforts such as these being made, the more opportunity there is for inspiring another individual to maybe make a small effort of their own.

Ballet is a glorious and powerful outlet and should be made available to all who are captivated by its majesty.

The Cost Of Pursuing A Dream

Photo Paul D. Van Hoy II
www.fotoimpressions.com

Though previous efforts have been made to expose inner city youths to ballet, I’ve often wondered what happens after they fall in love. How can these bright eyed children from difficult backgrounds possibly afford the costs associated with this patrician art form. The weekly purchase of point shoes alone stresses even middle class families finance.

As a child, I scarcely understood the sacrifice my family made so that I can pursue a ballet career. Classes, shoes and attire not only meant tremendous financial commitment from my parents lower middle class budget, but from my siblings as well, who would sometimes have to forego certain ambitions due to the family’s strained resources. Despite the burden a simple costume fee placed on my family’s finances, I still managed to attend ballet classes five to six times per week, purchases of dozens of pointe shoes a year along with a drawer full of tights and leotards. Reflecting on all the costs, it’s no wonder why ballet is rarely pursued by the underprivileged. Without support from scholarships, the tireless efforts of my parents to find resources for me and the sacrifice of my siblings, I would have never been able to pursue my passion. It is truly heartbreaking to think that there is some little girl out there dancing in her living room, dreaming of tutus and tiaras, who may never get the opportunity to pursue her dreams because she lacks the means.

While discussing this difficult and very personal issue with a friend, I was referred to a website for the City of Angels Ballet, Los Angeles, which has the mission of helping underprivileged children actually pursue their dreams of becoming ballet dancers. The website describes the Academy and its mission as follows:

Since it's inception in 1993, the City of Angels Ballet has offered hope, inspiration and opportunity, in the form of classical ballet training, to hundreds of talented children from some of the toughest neighborhoods in Los Angeles. At this not-for-profit, selective ballet academy, boys and girls, aged 8 to 18 receive formal instruction and dancewear at no cost to their families. Our dancers reflect the diverse ethnic mix that makes up this city, and most qualify for the Federal Free lunch program at their public schools.

Founder and Artistic Director, Mario Nugara has a lovely quote on the website:

"My dream was to create a ballet company and academy reflective of our wonderul diverse city that utilizes the untapped talent existing in every community in Los Angeles. The City of Angels Ballet is well on its way to making this dream come true!"

Underprivileged communities are filled with untapped talent. As a child I remember attending small talent contests in my neighborhood and being blown away at some of the talent that would surface. I was too young to understand just how fortunate and blessed I was to be given an opportunity to explore my talent by my parents and others who believed and invested in me. Far too many, far too often are not so lucky.

I applaud Mr. Nugara for realizing this need and choosing to take action. What a wonderful gift he is giving to these children and their communities. Through the respect and discipline learned at the academy, students are receiving praises from school teachers and impacts are being felt in their families and communities. Wouldn't it be wonderful if such opportunities could be granted to all underprivileged communities? How many children go down the wrong path because of lack of direction, inspiration or hope. Mr. Nugara is giving these children more than ballet training, he is giving them hope!

Gone But Not Forgotten

Photo by Paul Van Hoy II

As the world breathes a sigh of relief over the killing of Osama Bin Laden, and as we remember those who have lost their lives and others who continue to suffer, I am reminded of the weeks that followed September 11th.

I will never forget the sense of collective unity formed through this tragedy. I felt a bond of kinship with perfect strangers as we stood in endless lines to give blood, held hands or sang together in Union Square. Walls and stern looks so commonplace as one weaves through congested New York City sidewalk traffic were replaced by an uncharacteristic quiet, compassion and a desire to comfort those around you. Celebrity gossip and tabloid spectacle had lost its significance. Our focus shifted to family, friends, volunteering, being good neighbors and carpe diem--as we were all abruptly made aware just how short and fragile life is. It wasn't too long after we were encouraged to return back to "normalcy" when suddenly celebrities were back on the scene and we were being feed our daily dose of media junk food. Although I understood the need to lift the spirits of a distraught nation, I wished we could have used that horrible tragedy as an opportunity to shift our collective focus and mentality. I wished "normalcy" wasn't a 24 hour partisan news cycle, gossip columns, fast food, high fashion and cosmetic surgery. I missed the moments when strangers and countrymen stood in solidarity to comfort each other and focus on things that really matter like; our country, our communities, our families, and yes, our very own lives.

To all those who have lost their lives and to those who mourn them, those who bear the scars of tragedy, and to those fighting for freedom, my prayers are with you. We shall never forget!

You Are Not Alone

Source unkown

 

This week I wanted to post something more lighthearted as a counter balance to the weightier issues discussed each week. However, as I read through viewer responses to past blogs, some sharing moments of adversity and others expressing resignation to the harsher realities of ballet, I realized that recounting an amusing anecdote from my touring days, or discussing how my late blooming love of chocolate formed in Switzerland, would be woefully inadequate. Having so often felt isolated and alone throughout my career, I want this blog to connect people who feel they have no voice, and struggle silently. I want this blog to be a forum to express ideas, challenge outmoded notions, spark

discussion, broaden perspectives and yes, vent!

When I came across the above image online, it resonated with me on a deeply personal level. As a child I would silently stare out my bedroom window wondering if I would ever be the royal, ethereal, angelic ballerina of my dreams, or just another stereotype chasing a pipe dream. In sharing this wonderfully powerful image I want to declare to all young artists, who often feel marginalized and left behind, you are more powerful than you know—you are not alone!

Thin is in!...Yeah, we know

[source]

A small post on the website Any Body reads:

Ballet (if you can believe it) is an even sicker industry than fashion. Not only are students and professional dancers constantly suffering from body anxiety and emotional and psychological abuse from their teachers, most ballet dancers also have eating disorders. If you've seen "Black Swan" you've seen how horrible the life of a ballet dancer can be. How can we help them to heal and change the standards of the ballet industry?

I am not sure that we could ever really "change" these standards. However, there is finally an ever so gradual trend developing towards broadening ballet’s perspective. But for many dancers, the damage has already been done.

 

 

 http://www.cherylm.info/sites/photography.htm

My struggle with my body image began as a very young woman and sadly continues to this day. After continuous involvement with a career that puts such emphasis on the body, and the media, from Hollywood to high fashion, perpetuating a "rail thin" aesthetic, it's no wonder so many women and girls find it hard to overcome this struggle. While many friends and colleagues would tell me how great I looked,  I received no such reassurance from my instructors until I began to shed significant weight from already constantly conditioned physique. This lack of approval made me question the sincerity and/or credibility of my supporters. I couldn’t possibly look good without the blessings of my company masters could I? I tried to come to terms with ballet’s rigid expectations, as well as my own high standards. Although,  I wanted desperately to meet the approval of directors and instructors, my own good sense and grounding refused to allow the extreme to become my reality. I would often stall my own progress in the name of rationality. Whenever I would get midway through yet another starvation-like diet, I would then retreat for fear that I was giving into something which I didn't believe in. I created a vicious cycle that caused a lot of frustration throughout my career. I remember trying almost every diet known to man. However, at the end of the day, a button I recall seeing as a child summed these experiences up best: " I have been on a diet for a week and all I lost was seven days!" How many times that expression rang true for me. 

Looking back, I can laugh at all the ridiculous fads I experimented with, but for some dancers, this is no laughing matter. I empathize with those dancers who suffer so much with self-image, especially at very young ages. I know there are more and more efforts being made towards helping younger dancers deal with issues of weight and my prayer is that such efforts will be successful. I must admit I am a bit skeptical. It seems a bit contradictory to expect dancers to reach unhealthy goals in a healthy way. Maybe it is possible...we shall see.

I found this video not only disturbing, but it truly saddens me. Unfortunately, I know of far too many with this same mentality.

Everyone's A Critic

[source]

I always wondered why some dancers are so critical of each other when we are already overwhelmed by critiques, corrections and our own looping internal monologue that speaks to insecurities about appearance and technique. I have often taught classes where I have witnessed dancers laughing at another classmate who was performing an exercise. Perhaps I too have been a culprit of this sort of subtle cruelty. However, as a young dancer, my awareness of others judgments and criticisms made me feel insecure. I never knew what lied behind the smirks, giggles and low whispers. It was easier to hide from an instructor during a difficult exercise, but not the many dancers who surround the studio. Many times I have found myself in awe of another dancer and eager to share my thoughts with the nearest listener. I have also found myself walking away from negative discourse or ignoring a discourteous remark. I grew less tolerant of destructive criticism with maturity. The keen awareness of my own insecurities also made me sensitive and empathetic towards other dancers. When I did infrequently make a negative remark regarding another dancer, I found it was often to cover up my own insecurities. So the question arises: when has bringing another individual down really ever made you feel better? The answer is invariably: Never! No matter the skill level, I have always been a firm believer that you can learn something from everyone, be it footwork, port de bras or just work ethic and determination. It is so much more rewarding to learn from each other than to tear each other down.

Now whenever I have an opportunity to teach younger dancers, I try and make it a point to teach them to be oblivious to the eyes around them. However, applying the cliche: "dance as if no one is watching" is much easier said than done. Some people are able to ignore these watchful eyes quite effortlessly -- oh how I envy them! I think when we teach young dancers the etiquette of the classroom, we should include respecting and supporting fellow dancers as well.  I know of many teachers who are already instilling this important lesson-- I applaud you! 

HAIR WE GO...AGAIN!

After the response of last weeks post, it occurred to me that there just is not enough exposure to the beauty of our natural tresses. Conceptions about hair are shallow and antiquated. No woman should have to hide one of the wonderful attributes of her unique beauty. Uniformity not only places a heavy tax on diversity, but it can sometimes be really boring!

  I have spoken before regarding the beauty of diversity in its many natural manifestations. Diversity should be reflected in people the same way it is reflected in the wonderment of nature. Mother earth in all its exquisite beauty provides the perfect template and inspiration for diversity not only in art, but throughout our lives.

In ending this post, I wanted to put together images that displayed the elegance and beauty found in well taken care of natural African -American hair. 

Be inspired!

[source[

[source]

[source}

[source]

[source]

[source]

[source]

Inna Modja - singer/songwriter/model